Tag Archives: love

Love Illuminated

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I haven’t been the most fortunate in the game of love. So of course, when I came across Love Illuminated by Daniel Jones, the editor of the New York Times Modern Love column, I picked it up and decide to indulge in it.

I picked up the book hoping for some clarity, heck some divine intervention as to why I have been so unfortunate in this love mess. To my luck, in just the first few pages, he says that’s exactly what we should not expect in reading the book. Great, I still read it though.

The book is actually entertaining as Jones uses examples of a multitude of situations to discus pursuit, destiny, vulnerability, connection, trust, practicality, monotony, infidelity, loyalty and wisdom. After reading the book, I came to the conclusion that love is…well impossible to understand. It’s messy, annoying, consuming, tiresome,  a high, weird…to be honest I can go on for days. There are just so many different types of loves and ways of loving, no wonder some of us find ourselves lost and confused. We are weird creatures, sometimes even finding ourselves not really satisfied when we have something we’ve dreamed on for so long. Jones reminded me of all of this. He made me remember that I don’t have it as bad as I think I do.


“Let’s try to embrace love’s complexities as much as we try to explain them away” – Daniel Jones


I’m only 25 but it feels like I’ve been searching for love for years. In love with the idea of love; (ironic I know) I never find it in the right places. There are days I just get tired and want to give up. I’ll admit, I find myself crying some nights at how lonely I feel. That’s my problem though, I’m focusing too much on what I don’t have welcoming in people I don’t need. A lot of you could probably relate. feels like humans are addicted to love.

So in the end, I think you can say I learned a little something from this book. Embrace the complexities of love and take the experiences for what they are worth. Don’t fall in the search but fall in the moment. Most importantly, love yourself the deepest above all other loves.

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Letter to my undergraduate self

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – e.e. Cummings

college

Dear Tiffany,

I know you’re stressing. You will stress everyday for one reason or the other so do yourself a favor and stop. You’re actually stressing right now as you start taking on your first semester as a graduate student. Just take the time to enjoy the small moments like the way the campus looks filled with autumn leaves on the ground. Don’t overthink every single assignment you receive in class. Go with your gut because after two hours of over-analyzing, that’s essentially what you will end up doing.

I applaud you for your organization and time management skills because those will help you get through the crazy moments when you are drowning in school, work, internships and extra curricular activities. Don’t worry you will somehow manage to have a life because you live by your planner (and you still do at 25.) Talking about your internships, take more advantage of the networking opportunities presented to you. Build relationships and strengthen them because they will come in handy after you graduate and start job hunting. It’s not easy out there and bills start piling up. Don’t be afraid of part-time jobs even if it’s not exactly what you want at the moment. 

You won’t go to the gym but you really should. You seriously lucked out in not gaining the Freshman 15. I mean, you did gain the Freshman 5 though (no, that’s not a thing.) Go on adventures with your friends because you only get to experience college young and free once; life after gets more complex than you think.

Please please please don’t focus on love. College is not the place for it. It may seem like your life falls apart junior year but you’ll survive. Trust me when I say that in the end you become stronger from the disappointments. Don’t stop smiling because it’s your way of pushing forward during those tough times. Overall, you honestly don’t do that bad in college. You slack a bit first semester of freshman year but then you get it together after seeing your GPA. High five for staying focused on school and making it your mission to graduate with nothing less than a 3.0. You definitely learned that it’s easier to drop your GPA than bring it back up!

Enjoy your family. You never know what the future may hold…

However, my most important advice to you would be to never stop loving yourself. You lose track of that for a bit. Remember that this is your life and you matter the most in it. I love you girl and never stop reaching for those stars!

Love, yourself-

New Meanings

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning – Paulo Coelho

Simplybeing

As I sit here writing: I am thinking about love and all the different meanings my life has given it. I am thinking about the new year and the possibilities roaming around waiting to be found. I am thinking about what I left behind in 2015 and what I hope to gain in 2016.

I spent my Thanksgiving and Christmas surrounded by family and love yet feeling lost. I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was missing.  I’ve had this feeling for quite some time now and after a year of adventures and self-discovering it seemed out of place to feel so lost. Until it finally came to me, I’m terrified to feel comfortable where I am in life. I am not in a place of ultimate happiness; it’s not a place where I could add a new meaning to love.

It’s great to be surrounded by family, to come home to them and feel safe, but safe is comfortable, safe is settling.

I realized that what I need to do is find a new meaning to love and find happiness in something different and uncomfortable. 2015 was the year of self-discovery but 2016 will be the year of accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong, self-discovery never ends because there is something new to learn about yourself with each day that passes. However, this is the year I will discover new meanings to everyday emotions.

I challenge everyone to step out of their comfort zones and find new meanings to love, hope, faith, courage…to life. You might discover something unexpected, something that causes you to simply be great!

 

Just Write

Why do I write?

I write to free myself. I write to express myself. I write to inspire others. I write to inspire myself. I write because I enjoy it. I write because I can.

Everyday we write our life’s story. Words are powerful. We have the capacity to impact others, to leave our marks and to decipher our emotions, just by writing. It’s liberation. It’s knowing your story is alive, each time you touch the ink pressed on the tainted paper.

Don’t be afraid to pick up your pen or to open that word document…your words belong to you and no one else. Words are powerful. We have the potential to make a difference…within ourselves. Only then can we make a difference in the lives of others. Cleanse your soul and write.

Freedom is expression. Words are powerful. Write what your heart desires. One word, one paragraph, one page, a novel, your story already made a difference as soon as you completed it. Enjoy the exhilaration, the high, the complete release. There’s no better motivator than yourself.

Why do I write?

I write because I can. My words are powerful.

Love By The Book – Book 4

I finally finished my 4th book, Love By The Book by Melissa Pimentel.

Love By The Book is about Lauren, a 28-year-old American living in London, who is trying to live the “fabulous” single life. Unfortunately, she can’t seem to convince the men she’s seeing that she isn’t interested in anything else other than really good casual sex. Her frustration turns into determination and she comes up with this hilarious idea of turning her love life into what she calls a “science experiment.” Each month she follows a different dating guide and records her research to ultimately, “unlock the mystery of the male mind,” as she puts it in the book.

What makes this book 10x better is that it’s loosely based on the authors life! She turned her love life into an experiment (where she recorded her dates, with her “test subjects,” and experiences in a blog: Love By The Book,) and then afterwards turned that into a book! Read About It Here. Talk about brave, funny, crazy and exciting.

One thing I really got out of this book was appreciation for my love life. I can sit here and write about how badly I’ve tripped, fell, tumbled and possibly even died and came back to life, in my path to love but, instead I’ll say that I’m single and happy. Lauren followed all these rules, for months, where she was told to basically not be herself, and if we all take a moment and think about it, that’s what we tend to do. We always conform to what we think we should be doing to get someone’s attention. We hide or disguise a portion of ourselves because in our minds thats what we should be doing if we ever plan on retaining anyone. However, that shouldn’t be the case. We should be loved for who we are, as cliché as it sounds. There’s someone out there that’s as crazy as you are, it’s all about being patient and living.

Excerpt from Melissa’s blog: “You can call him or not call him, you can sleep with him or not sleep with him, you can be a total bitch or be a 1950s housewife, but at the end of the day, it’s pretty much just comes down to whether or not you dig each other. And no amount of game playing can force that.”

One of my favorite lines from the book is actually, “Fuck this shit: I was going to date myself for awhile.” Sometimes that’s exactly what we all need to do, stop looking for something, that eventually will come, and focus on getting to know yourself. Lauren finds what she is looking for where and when she leasts expects it and Melissa found love the exact same way.
Moral of the story: stop looking, start living and be yourself!  

6 more books to go!

Choose to be HAPPY!

Not sure if anyone has realized how exhausting it is to be sad and miserable!

It’s so easy to let negative emotions over come you. For some reason happiness is hard to grasp. It’s a never-ending mental game we play with ourselves; to be happy or to let every negative in our life affect us and keep us down (we tend to choose the easy way out.) This weekend I chose to be happy. I felt horrible and deep down I wanted to sulk in my misery but sulking was not an option this time around.

So I told my friend that we were going to stop and enjoy our Saturday at all costs!
I gave her rules:
1. No crying
2. We cannot allow anything negative affect us

It worked! because we ended up having a great day!

We went to the New Jersey 101.5 Big Jersey BBQ Brew Fest and it seemed to be exactly what we needed.

We got there and were given a free beer (we had one more after that and of course I ended up getting the Belgian Brew,) we ate something called “bowl of deliciousness” – Mac and Cheese, beans, and pulled pork with extra BBQ – (and it was!) and after a gloomy morning the sun finally came out. We were so happy we couldn’t stop laughing!

Sometimes all you need is a little sunshine and some fresh air to crack a smile.

Challenge yourself! Don’t take the easy way out and be happy when everything is telling you to sulk and be miserable. Life has a funny way of working itself out so enjoy the simple things because it may be exactly what you need when you least expect it!

Differences

The more I read the more fascinated I become with the idea of reading. This idea of putting pause on your life and being teleported to another world for a few minutes or hours can be quite soothing. I have the same feeling towards movies but with books it’s different…it requires a different sort of thought process. Books generate a different reaction from you…with books you submerge yourself deeper into the plot; you disappear into that world and everything around you becomes irrelevant.

The second book I read was A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks. Everyone knows Nicholas Sparks for his touching love stories.

I personally never read any of his books but fell in love with movies based on his stories (The Notebook & A Walk to Remember.) I’m a sucker for a good love story, the kind that make you sob like a baby or make you cheese super hard because deep inside you wish that was you receiving that passionate kiss. So I picked this book because the movie made me sob like a baby and when I saw it at the bookstore immediately became super excited. I started reading the book thinking I knew exactly what to expect….but WOW was I completely WRONG!

The book and movie have two complete different plots! I was in shock! The movie keeps the general story line (boy falls in love with a girl who happens to have Leukemia,) keeps the names of the characters and even little things here and there from the original plot but everything else completely changed. I can sit here and list 101 differences but I won’t. What’s the point? Differences are everywhere. It made reading the book more exciting even more touching. The book focused on love, faith in God and the idea that even in the most unfairness of circumstances hope and happiness should never be lost. In its own way the movie did the same thing. So instead of focusing on the differences why not focus on the bigger picture?

It’s a theme we should all apply to our lives and something I try to remember everyday. Hope should never be lost because just how Sparks said in the last sentence of his book, “…miracles can happen.”

8 more books to go!